Aron Moss raises a hypothetical situation – one he claims has never happened before. Because of a mix-up in communication, he left his wife stranded at the train station in the pouring rain for an hour and a half. She has told him that she will never speak to him again unless he apologizes. Aron, in his heart of hearts knows that he has done nothing to apologize for. She did not ask him to pick her up – and he will swear on a stack of Bibles that that is the truth.
Question: Can I apologize when I do not believe that I did anything wrong – when I KNOW I did not do anything wrong?
When we apologize, when we say that we are sorry, we are making a statement about ourselves: I am remorseful, I regret my actions, and hope not to repeat them.
But an apology is not just about yourself and your feelings. It is also about the person you hurt. You do not apologize just to absolve yourself from guilt. You also acknowledge that you were the cause of someone else’s pain – whether you believe you were or not. Someone suffered pain because of your actions, and you must take responsibility for those actions – perceived or real.
Does anyone know who was right and who was wrong? Maybe God? But a vague half-hearted “I’m sorry for any pain you felt” comes across empty and can make matters worse.
We do not live in a world of instant replay where “The Officials” determine what really happened. It is not just about us. It is also about who we share our world with.
B’Shalom
Rabbi Stanley Halpern